– Father Vasily, where did you meet your future wife?

– It was in 1996, when, independently of each other, my future wife and I entered the Theological Seminary in Smolensk. I was in the pastoral department, and she was in the regency department.

Archpriest Vasily Gelevan with his family

It often happens that young people meet at an educational institution, become friends, and then create a Christian family. The future shepherd is prepared for this: there are lessons that will later help in ministry. Girls are prepared for this as well: they are taught to manage a church choir, paint icons, be sisters of mercy, and in fact all girls are taught to be a good wife of a priest, a good mother for children, and to be a good assistant to the priest in parish life. Everything is not limited to knowledge of solfeggio, icon painting or restoration experience. A lot happens in this life. The main thing is that while the guys are studying, both begin to practice their faith and life in the Church. At the same time, feelings flare up, like all normal young people. Then come great responsibility and spiritual joy from communicating with each other, from childbearing, and from life in general. There is joy and gratitude to God. All this begins in a spiritual institution.

I remember going out onto the streets of Smolensk, looking at the tram tracks, at the people walking along the street, and being amazed at how it was possible to live without God, without the Church? What's the point of this? What a pity for people, but they themselves chose this path; they do not know what they are losing when they refuse life in the Church and in Christ. On the other hand, at such moments I deeply thanked God: how good it was that I met a believing girl at the seminary. I don’t need to worry that she will one day say: “I can’t stand this lack of money anymore, this obedience, when they take you and send you ten thousand kilometers from home, and we have to live there for eight years..." No, I’m sure that she will go with me. She will never say that I’m not like everyone else, or that I have a small salary. I know for sure that this will not happen, because she is a believer.

Archpriest Vasily Gelevan with his wife Ekaterina

– One teacher said that happy parents raise happy children. Was the life of your parents and your wife an example for you?

— Yes. They gave us an example of prayer. I experienced firsthand how responsible and important it is when parents pray for their children. And in general, what it's like when parents pray. This is extremely important for a believer, and it really helps. My mother-in-law is like that. Yes, she may be banal in some ways, naive in some ways. She may not have the broadest horizons, but she firmly knows that there is a God, that He is alive, acts in our lives, and we must definitely pray to Him. She knows this even more clearly than I do. Every conversation with her is spiritual. Everything that happens in life has only spiritual significance. She has serious illnesses (God bless her), but she tirelessly prays for us. And we pray that the Lord will strengthen her; we help her with everything in our power to console her sorrows and illnesses. She is disabled, retired, and has difficulty moving, but she is moving in one direction — towards God. She has only two paths: from home to the church, and from the church to home. There is nothing else in life, and she doesn’t need anything else.

I think about our children: they look at us and take their example from us. For some reason, children copy all our shortcomings. Nobody says: “I want it or I don’t want it.” Of course, I don’t want them to take on my weaknesses, but this happens automatically, by default. All the shortcomings, as in a mirror, are visible in my children. Something good, kind, and positive must always be instilled in them, and efforts must be made so that they absorb it into themselves. For example, if I don’t pray, then right away, they don’t pray. Worse, if I sit down, they will lie down. And if I stand up to pray, then the children look and take their example from that.

Since childhood, we have been letting our children read simple prayers. In the evening we all stand together for prayer, and in the morning we read the prayer rule. Prayer itself is something very personal, it is difficult to convey, to understand whether you are praying or not praying. We need children to not only be present, but also to participate, and this takes practice.

What can we say about one's sins, language, actions, decisions, attitudes towards things, and beliefs, not only moral, but also political? Children are influenced by the street, the liberal media, and at home they are sometimes told the opposite things. I tell them about moral principles, about what sin is, and also about personal beliefs: about what Rus' is, what Russia is, what a patriot is, a Russian person, a believer, and what he should be. Everything is criticized. You have to stand your ground, to have your strong convictions, so that there is no falsehood. If you say one thing and act differently, the children will notice it. They are like litmus paper and notice even a slight falsehood. There is no use in lying. If you believe, and have convictions, then you have them. If you try not to sin, it means you are working on yourself, and they see it. The most important thing in education is to set a personal example. All words fade if the example contradicts what you say. I respect people who say one thing and do... the same thing.

“When you choose for yourself, you choose for your children”

– In fairy tales there are tests for brides and grooms: catching a firebird, sewing a shirt in one night. In the customs of many nations there are tests: for example, when the future wife prepares borscht. Will such tasks help build a good family in our time?

— I believe that the customs we saw among our ancestors had a practical application and were intended to test a potential bride or groom. They are veiled in beautiful rituals, wonderful traditions and habits, but in essence, this is a test of survival. Mom will be a nurse and cook. And not once, but three times a day, for many years in a row. Children, especially boys, have a healthy appetite. It’s good if she knows how to cook, and most importantly, if she treats it calmly and positively. It’s great if the future housewife is taught this in childhood and is supported so that she develops this ability. She will understand that this is a necessary part of life.

It is also correct if dad is aware of his responsibility to the family, understanding that he is the breadwinner, and must be the breadwinner, as has been the custom since ancient times, when human society was just taking shape. And so it remained when the Lord Jesus Christ became man. All the apostles worked. The Apostle Paul had his own qualifications: he cut leather belts and wove baskets and tents from them. This great missionary, who could afford not to think about anything at all, who could be fed everywhere, had his own profession. He realized a simple thing: through physical labor we communicate with God. And relaxing is not even good for your health. All hernias and protrusions are formed because a person has little movement. Doctors constantly tell us about the need to move. We again return to the fact that after the Fall man was given a clear commandment: “By the sweat of your brow you shall eat your bread ...” (Gen. 3:19). While we are on earth, we must work hard. This is not a curse — it is a blessing. If we have found another profession for ourselves and make a living through intellectual work and art, then this is wonderful. But then we lose activity, and we must definitely exert ourselves physically.

Dad must work, and dad must be a leader in the family, so that mom must consult with him. This is harmony: the husband is at the head of the family. At the same time, no one loves this woman as much as the husband himself. He loves her so much that he will lay down his life for her sake. There is harmony in this: he is the father — she is the mother and the woman he loves.

– And yet, in modern conditions, how can young people better get to know their chosen one?

– There is a period of romance when everyone tries to show themselves in the best light. The future housewife shows her qualities. The future breadwinner shows himself as a zealous man, as a loyal friend, and shows his generosity, not at the expense of his parents. He earned it himself and can show off. It is his right, the young man seeks the hand and heart of his beloved. Everything is considered from the perspective of family life — how he behaves, for example, in company, how he communicates with friends.

I would give this advice to young people to check on each other: go visit the parents. You look at mom and dad and are already wondering what your bride or groom will be like in a year, because unfortunately, children often repeat the mistakes of their parents, but at the same time, the older generation can instill certain virtues in their sons and daughters. If you see that virtue has flourished in the father, you know that the son has tasted this joy; the apple does not fall far from the tree. Accordingly, both sins and virtues are repeated. Considering what I said: sins are easy and virtues are difficult to transfer, nevertheless, parents teach us a lot. We look like our moms and dads. When there is a saint, confessor, and prayer book in a family, this is a blessing for the whole family. There is a believer, and he prays for his descendants. When there is a new martyr among your loved ones, he prays, and you understand that this family is blessed.

And vice versa, how difficult it is for a person to live if there is a serious sinner in the family. Let’s say the sin of suicide is a terrible sin; such a person is not even given a funeral service in the Church. Then his son faces life's difficulties, and the door is already open for him. He may think: "my father killed himself, so I can follow this path, and enter this door." Why? Because someone has already opened it. It turns out that by choosing for himself, the initial suicide created a temptation for his children.

The same can be said about fidelity in marriage: when you remain faithful to your spouse, you are not only choosing for yourself — you are also choosing for your children. Or today she forgave her other half, accepted him with repentance, gave him a chance to continue living together with her, thereby saving the family. This means that the children have the right to see both mom and dad every day, and not just listen to some stories about their father, whether good or bad. They have the opportunity to wake up and say, “Good morning dad, good morning mom.” And in the evening to say: “Daddy, good night! Dear Mommy, good night!” The children will hug them both and go to bed in peace. This is the value. When you choose for yourself, you also choose for your children. And not only now, while they are small, but also in the future, when they encounter problems in their family life. The son, faced with difficulties, will say to himself: “My dad saved the family, and I have to do so. If he can do it, then I can do it too.” And vice versa. The grown-up daughter will decide: “My mother left my father, and I will do the same. Why not? She did it, so I can do it too. We are responsible not only for ourselves, but also for our children.

Prayer is happiness

In the Savvino-Storozhevsky Monastery, Zvenigorod

– Do you and your mother celebrate family anniversaries?

– We thank God with all our hearts that we live together. Of course, we try to somehow arrange this to the best of our ability. The most important thing is not the financial expenses for the holiday, but the fact that we did not forget each other, that we saw each other. It is also important not to wait 20 years to tell a person “I love you,” but to say it every morning. It is important that these 20, 30, 50 years pass in light and joy, that every day is filled with fleeting smiles, hugs, and kisses.

Let's look at nature: mammals highly value contact and tactility. Watch the whales, how they cuddle up to each other, how the baby whale rejoices, reaches out to its mother, how horses caress. We humans also need this; touch is extremely important to us. A woman lives by feelings, and a man understands how useful it is to take her hand and hug her. In the evening, walk with her along the embankment. It’s wonderful in any weather: in the fall, for example, to kick yellow fallen leaves, in the winter to look at an icy branch, at this white and clean snow, in the spring to enjoy the smell of flowering trees, in the summer in windless weather to walk around without hoods or warm clothes... This is joy. In general, everyone should walk together, the whole family, and talk about how the day went, what was interesting, what was good or difficult. That's why we're a family.

– Do you have family traditions?

– Probably the most important tradition in our family that we want to preserve is prayer with the children. There is one prayer that the younger ones say at the earliest times: “Lord my God, save and have mercy on mom, dad, grandfather, grandmother, uncle and aunt, godfather and godmother, brothers and sisters and me, a sinner. Amen." Here, of course, there may be options depending on the composition of the family: for example, a family may have one child, but everyone has a father, mother, grandparents, and godparents. This inspires children. When everyone bows to the ground during Lent, the little one also happily joins the adults. Likewise when we sing together. As a choir conductor, I will say with all responsibility that there are no voiceless people. We all talk, which means that potentially everyone can sing. Only a person who lacks auditory abilities can be called deaf. We hear everything. Archimandrite Matthew (Mormyl) [2], for whom I sang in the choir, deliberately took only “deaf” people in order to mold a famous choir. It was his belief that there are no people who are unable to sing.

So, the whole family kneels down and sings: “We take refuge under Your mercy, Virgin Mary. Do not despise our prayers in sorrows, but deliver us from troubles, O pure and blessed One. Amen." We sing like this every evening.

I don’t know how the lives of my children or the lives of the children of our readers will turn out (God alone knows), but I know one thing: prayerful experience at home will strengthen them in all paths of life. When one of the children feels that he is alone and abandoned by everyone, he will know that he has not been abandoned by God, and he will know that the Mother of God is always nearby and ready to help. She is an intercessor for the entire Christian family and is also a personal intercessor. The Blessed Mother and Her Divine Son will always be close. It is I who can turn away from the Lord, leave, like the prodigal son left his Father. I can forget about Him, but the Lord always remembers me, even in such moments when it seemed to me that I was alone in the world.

There is a beautiful parable. One man, before his death, saw his life's path in the form of a long road stretching along the sand along the ocean. Turning back, he saw the prints of another pair of feet. And it was revealed to him that the ocean was his whole life, and the second footprints belonged to the Lord Himself, Who traveled with him, like the travelers going to Emmaus. However, in some places along the path traveled, instead of two pairs of tracks, he saw only one, deeply embedded in the sand. “God,” he turned to the Lord, “why, when it was difficult for me, did you leave me? Look how deep my footprints cut into the sand, how hard it was for me to walk then.” And the Lord answered him: “My son, you are mistaken. You see the prints of My feet, not yours. When it was difficult for you, I took you in my arms and carried you..."

Prayer is happiness. For this reason, it is worth bringing children to the Christmas service so that the child can see the nativity scene, the Baby in the manger, the oxen and the lambs. Let this be imprinted in his consciousness, and he will become a happy person, because it will remain with him forever, and when he grows up, he will return to his wonderful childhood and remember that God is always with him.

Mom and Dad are the first listeners

— Do you manage to spend leisure time together, talking and reading? Is there time for this?

— There is. Unfortunately, I don't have good enough health. There are healthier people in the world, but sometimes I just need to lie down. Even sitting is difficult, because my back hurts. But even at this time we talk and communicate. In fact, not a great deal is required from parents — just listening is enough. Teenage children need to speak out. They already have a whole world in their heads, and they need to express what they think about this or that, to share what situations they found themselves in, what events they experienced. This is very important. It is necessary to teach a child to think critically, to react to everything, to be not just a consumer of information, but also a creator. The first listeners are mom and dad.

It is difficult to find a film that is edifying and not sinful. There are so many genres... But we manage to find something good, and then we all sit down together - from children to adults - and watch. It's rare, but it happens in our family.

We go on vacation together, study nature and our Russian geography together. Our family has a unique experience: we lived abroad and looked at Russia from there, and now we get to know it together from the inside. I really want (probably more than ordinary parents, more than an ordinary Russian priest) for my children to grow up to be Russian people. I learned what it means to be Russian from there, from afar, but great things can be seen from a distance, and now we will travel around Russian cities so that the children know their country. I am deeply convinced that you can love what you know, and you can protect what you love, because if even one link falls out, then the whole system becomes meaningless. We see people who speak Russian, but for some reason do not share our beliefs, and thus they run abroad. Why? Because they don’t love us, and if they love us, it’s only in words. Love, knowledge, and the willingness to defend one's beloved country — all this needs to be instilled in childhood.

This year we visited Lake Baikal and saw a seal rookery. I swam and drank; this was the first time in my life that I swam in drinking water. We threw stones, fished, walked along the Sayan Mountains — and this is all part of our Russia, great and vast. When you fly over the taiga, you understand what kind of hearts those people who conquered this land must have had. How much love should there be for people, so as not to colonize and usurp, but to teach, save for us, descendants, to teach the local wild tribes literacy, basic hygiene, and instill moral values — Christianity. This is missionary with a capital "M". I understand that we must be worthy of their memory, and try to preserve what we inherited: great Russia, beautiful nature, culture, and of course, our faith.

Church life is not a magic pill

– What questions do parishioners most often ask you? Who is more likely to approach: men or women?

– More than a parishioner, a person who comes to me is also a wife, a mother, etc. But we have specifics. Among one's spiritual children there are also military personnel; they also convert. These are common questions, like all people have. It doesn't matter whether a person is in uniform or not. He is still a father and husband. He is also worried that the children will obey and grow up decent. They worry if their son or daughter has strayed from the right path. Wives are worried that their husbands will return from the battlefield. We are trying to strengthen them here, so that there will be fathers — so that full-fledged families will be preserved, so that our men will return victoriously.

We pray for the children. I always repeat that maternal prayer has special power, since any mother prays strongly and sacrificially for her beloved child. They come and ask prayers for each other: a wife for her husband, a husband for his wife. It often happens that misunderstandings occur. There is a devilish temptation called prelest (delusion) — a man lived with his wife, and suddenly it seemed to him that he did not love her, but loved someone else. This is a devilish temptation, because love is when you give something, yet it seemed to that person that love means receiving. It seemed that love was warm feelings, when in reality it was a crown of thorns. When people realize this, when they successfully learn this lesson, they stay together for the rest of their lives. They come to the understanding that there is no one closer or dearer.

And the solution to the problem can begin with the consecration of the apartment. They invited a priest, he blessed the apartment, drank tea, they got to talking, and it turned out that there were some questions. Amazing! Gradually we begin to resolve these issues: first we get to know him or her, talk, and then they both go to church. This happens in our lives when we have experienced difficulties and strife, and then go to church together. And it happens that the Lord brings parents to the church through their children. First, the child says that he is interested in this or that form of church life. For example, he studies icon painting or singing, and through this he gets acquainted with the Orthodox faith, the Church, and finds that this form fits organically into our worldview. He shares these values, wants to be baptized, confess, and receive communion. Then he brings his parents. Children pray for their parents and lead them to faith, and parents begin to believe and pray.

I believe that problems in family life are a call from God. This means that something is wrong, and that you need to go to Church and look for answers to these questions. Why did it happen so? Why did the child get sick? Why did your husband cheat? Why is life not going well? When you come to Church, and you look at yourself from this side, it turns out that you do not love God, do not honor God, do not accept His participation in your life, and you rely not on His Holy will, but on yourself. Such things are revealed and you finally understand that you need to do something about it. When you change yourself, the world around you changes. When you yourself begin to live in abstinence, in chastity, and in love, then harmony reigns in the family. Through your prayers and your labors, family life is purified.

— Do only secular people come to you with problems related to family life?

— Of course not. There is no need to view church life as a panacea for adversity. In church families, sometimes problems do not stop. God also allows believers to be patient, so that we do not view the Church as a consumer services plant or a hospital. The Church does not get rid of problems — the Church gives strength to bear one’s cross and solve these problems, but it is the person himself who solves them. Church life is not a pill that you take and then everything immediately changes for the better. The Church teaches how to solve your problems and correct them. But the person himself must accept the solution and correct the problems.

Let us also remember: the devil tempts those who are close to God, hitting the most dear hearts — children, wives and husbands. There is a relationship: you have done a good deed — and now wait for the devil to hit you. God allows it. “It turns out to be interesting,” the person thinks, “maybe there was no need to help the sick or to give alms; maybe there was no need to get rid of sin?” The logic is this: the devil was your friend as long as you sinned, but the angel, it turns out, was your enemy. When you became friends with the angel, now the devil became your enemy, because he has always been the enemy of the human race. God has always been a friend to people. Now you understand that you made the right choice, but you must also understand that you are now in danger; you will be attacked by enemy forces. But on the other hand, you have a good memory. The Lord said: “Do not be afraid, I am with you. Be of good cheer, child, for I have overcome the world” (see: John 16:33). The book of Job says that the devil will not be able to do anything against you unless it is the Will of God. He even comes to God and asks permission to tempt the righteous. God says: “Tempt his flesh, but do not touch his soul.”

The Lord tells us not to be afraid of those who kill the body, because they cannot do anything to the soul. On the contrary, one should be afraid of the one who can kill the soul.

Mortal flesh — it will be tempted as long as it lives here on earth. The devil cannot do anything against the soul, but he will hit the body. We must move forward, do good deeds, bear our cross, fulfill God’s commandments, and ask God to give us strength. If you know that the Lord gives everything within your power, then everything falls into place.